During my spiritual journey, I have done different activities to connect to God and keep things fresh (for myself). I have painted, journaled, meditated, read and studied scriptures, participated in body sculptures (ask me about this if you’re unsure of what it is), written poems, crafted timelines, walked a labyrinth, attended retreats, sung songs (horribly might I add) and prayed. Most of the time I recite prayers for bible study, speaking to god about the love and pure unquavering belief I have for him and all his teachings. I recently ran across evidence of some particular things I prayed for from 2002. Ten years ago! The list consisted of a short version of the prayer request, the date I began praying for it, and the date it was answered. That’s it. A prayer list.

In reading it, I saw that some prayers were not answered. They didn’t need to be. In being honest with myself and reflecting back, I understood, that they were pointless. Things I wanted for no particular reason other than to have it. Things, that if I really worked hard, I could have gotten without prayer/ the need for divine intervention. I can tell you right now, I did not work hard toward some of those prayers and am mature enough to be glad they weren’t answered. In some of them being answered, it might have led to an increased ego. Or as my mother told me: E.G.O. Edging God Out. It happens, right?

What I also noticed was that I recorded some prayers as “null.” Null means amounting to nothing. I basically said, I want X to happen by Y time, and when it didn’t happen, I labeled it as null. Let me give you an example. Growing up, my family moved around a lot, due to limited finances. My mother never owned a house. So my prayer in 2002 was that she would get one in 2003. And guess what? It didn’t happen. So I moved on and even forgot that I wrote this prayer list. My mother got her first house…in 2010. Eight years after I prayed my prayer. Eight years after I wrote it on my prayer list.

This made me realize that sometimes unanswered prayers are not “null.” They just don’t happen in the time we want. And why? Often times, it’s because something related to the prayer isn’t ready. My mother and I discussed this and both agreed that she was not ready to own a house in 2003. And if she did, she may have lost it because of what was going on in her life at that time. However, eight years later she owns her own home and feels truly blessed to have been able to do so.

This simple list helped me to realize that if I ever feel that a prayer is unanswered I need to think about two things. 1. Is it worth praying for or do I need to just be more active and work harder in my own life? and 2. Have all the necessary preparations taken place? and 3. Is not receiving a “yes” answer a blessing I’m unaware of?

Some prayers aren’t unanswered. God is just waiting for the time when that answer will truly bless us. No matter how long it has to take.