Daddyless Daughter Revisited [reflection/blog]

Daddyless Daughter Revisited [reflection/blog]

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If you know me, you know I love watching Iyanla, Fix my life, on OWN.  On one show in particular,  there was a love triangle between an man, his wife, and his mother.  The man basically had underlying issues with his mother not being around for a big part of his life, that, as Iyanla pointed out, he was allowing his wife to do his emotional dirty work for him by the anger she displayed toward his mother/her mother-in-law.

In the midst of the show, Iyanla brought in two of his older daughters from a previous relationship, where they were able to express to their father how they felt excluded by him from his new family of wife and young son.  There were tears shed as the daughters attempted to express their feelings and truth.  However, the father, saw it, as well as some of Iyanla’s comments toward him, as an attack.  He had difficulty owning how his shortcomings impacted the relationship and emotional connection between he and his daughters.  As I watched, I yelled at the screen, “I can relate! You ladies aren’t alone!”  And I meant it.

If you recall from my earlier post, Daddyless Daughter? Yes, I mentioned some of my hurt that I experienced as an adolescent and adult with not only not having my father consistently around in my life, but also how some of his actions proved extremely hurtful to me.  I went through some steps to ‘re-create a new story’ for myself and made a proclamation about who I am as a woman.  That was a very helpful exercise for me to see my situation in a different light and not live out the same story and message I had been for so long.

Almost a year later, my father actually ran across my mind not too long ago.  And I can say that my emotions have truly subsided.  I know that my experience with him is a part of my story.  But the process of being at peace with this relationship is one that has been a journey, not a flip of the switch.  I hope on your journey as it relates to your father (and everything else 🙂 you are taking note of how you are feeling and what changes are going on for you.  Here are some things I’ve learned and been reminded of in this past year as it relates to being a daddyless daughter:

1. Changing personal perception really does change things.

2. Everyone, in some way, is in need of compassion and empathy, including dear ol’ dad.

3. We can only do what we are emotionally able to do at any given point in time.

4. Time really can be an agent in our process of change.

5. Somethings we may never understand…and that’s okay.

6. We are not alone in our pain.

7. We are not defined by our life experiences.


As you continue down this road, know that “I can relate! You ladies aren’t alone!”  Growth and change is possible.  And so is healing.  What are you learning on this journey to daddyless daughter peace?