How being guarded destroys relationships [blog/article]

How being guarded destroys relationships [blog/article]

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Married at First Sight is a social experiment about people who’ve gotten married to a stranger with the help of professionals to see if they can have a lasting relationship.  As I watched last night’s episode, I couldn’t help but notice how with one couple, Julie and Doug, Julie became so upset at Doug’s lie about smoking cigarettes.  She proceeded to tell him that it affects her trust, and makes her think he is immature and not ready for marriage.

Now, I’m not one for lying in any way. But I also recognize that people do it for various reasons and honestly make mistakes.  Doug owned that he lied and seemed open to wanting to make things better but Julie kinda went in on him – she was really upset.  That incident that even she saw as minor, caused her to question if he’d lied about anything else in the past.

As a woman who was hurt in the past, I understand how guarded you can be when you’ve been through painful relationships.  I also understand how much it takes to really take the risk and trust someone.  It’s almost like the person you’re with has to be on point.  They must make few mistakes, and definitely ones that aren’t familiar, and behave almost perfectly in certain regards.

Because if they don’t…they will hurt you.

The problem is, it doesn’t leave room for growth and imperfections.  And it sets up a situation for the guarded person to remain guarded and not push through their fears and pain in a way that includes this new love in their lives.  It can also lead to sabotage of the relationship because the feeling of being vulnerable and exposed is too strong for the guarded person.

Being guarded:

  • Creates and maintains emotional distance
  • Impacts communication
  • Creates a limited relationship
  • Leaves you suspicious
  • Does not let the fullness of love in
  • And just makes it hard to truly connect

It’s important to notice the ways in which you aren’t fully showing up in relationships and keeping your heart to yourself.
Be willing to examine your past, pay attention to how you’re showing up in your love life, and take a risk.
Love awaits!

Have you found yourself being guarded in your relationship? How easy or difficult is it to be open after pain? Share below!