Today marks the 5th year that I have been married to my wonderful wife Brooke. She has been a true blessing and gift from God. We laugh, we cry, we yell and we have an awesome relationship as we continue to grow as a unit. Growing with another individual isn’t easy but growing with the right individual is the best experience you can ever have. Below are 5 things I’ve learned In 5 years of marriage.

1. A solid foundation is the key.

You have to ask yourself what is your marriage or relationship built on? Is it built on the physical attributes of your significant other? Is it built on their wealth or assets? Be careful. If your relationship is built on things that can fade away, your relationship can do the same also. Brooke and I just so happened to meet in church, so our foundation is built on our faith in God. We also both have a desire to help people and be positive role models. For us our faith in God and our desire to help others is the concrete slab that our relationship is built on and it will not be broken. There must be a spiritual aspect to your foundation in order for you to have longevity.

2. Learning each others language/communication style is an ongoing process.

Brooke and I have been married 5 years and in a relationship for almost 7 years and we still are learning each others communication style. We literally just had a conversation about they way we both require responses when one of us needs to vent. This whole time we hadn’t necessarily responded to each other in the way we desired personally. Although this can be frustrating, remember that it may take years to master a new language. Teach and learn with grace not irritation.

3. Listen with your eyes, ears and heart.

I can’t front on this one. I’m not always the best at this, especially when there is a basketball game on or busy working on one of my master plans. I have noticed that when I’m fully engaged in a conversation with Brooke things go differently. When I’m fully engaged we connect. If I’m not fully engaged she may become agitated, and you know what they say “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” Listen fully to keep a happy household (and hit record on the DVR and come back to that game or show later). There might be times when she just needs a reassuring hug, while at other times she just might want you to do something special for her – like get her roses or maybe a small piece of jewelry like a pendant or a ring (you could look at https://gemaandco.com/collections/round-moissanite-engagement-rings for some amazing options to woo your partner back)! Keep your eyes and heart open and you both will be happy in the long run. Listening to your beloved this way will help to strengthen your connection even further.

4. When handling conflict settle it at home. If this does not work solicit professional advice.

One of the worst things you probably can do is take your problems to your friends who may often be jaded and non-qualified to help you with a dispute you half with your significant other. Try your best to settle a dispute with your other have directly. If you are still having trouble seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with this and I have sought out a counselor’s marriage advice before. ***Note*** Pastors are not relationship specialist or matchmakers. Their specialty resides in spirituality, theology and developing a relationship with God, unless they have obtained other licenses. At Wesley Theological Seminary, in a 90 credit degree, I had 5 counseling credits. In these classes they often tell us to refer congregants out who need long term relationship counseling.

5. Exercise together both spiritually and physically

Exercising together will assist in maintaining a strong connection to one another and The Spirit. When we are able to do either of the two, I feel a greater connection to Brooke and we are at peace. If you exercise together you will be able to maintain and strengthen your spiritual and physical health. Doing so will help you both to be on the same page with the Spirit of God which exists inside of you. Spiritual exercises can include spiritual disciplines. In order to connect with The Spirit your temple/body must also be in order, so physical exercise is a must.