The Truth About My Faith in God [blog/reflection]

The Truth About My Faith in God [blog/reflection]

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As my faith in God goes, I have been through a lot of ups and downs. I have wondered if God really exists. Without a doubt I have experienced some things where no one in the universe can tell me that God does not exist. My faith journey has been a constant roller coaster.

As I approached graduation from Wesley Theological Seminary this past May (2014), I knew my career situation was about to change dramatically. I was beginning to lose interest in sitting behind a desk doing the same thing I had been doing over a 14 year period. During this time, the money I received as compensation sustained me but that was coming to an end. Being that I owned my own business, I was never led to scrap R77 Designs totally.  Instead, God revealed to me that I could use my technological skill-set in ministry. So I decided to take a leap of faith and go in the direction of offering my skill-set to churches, pastors, ministers, etc.

I don’t mind taking leaps of faith every now and then but here is the kicker, I also decided to participate in the 2014 Marine Corp. Marathon. With a leap of faith and a major physical and mental challenge in preparing for a marathon, I’m testing my whole being.

My idea was that I would have a new opportunity as it related to my career in a few months so there was no need to worry. Initially, because I was anxious, I was entertaining opportunities in my former field even though I knew I no longer had any interest. The reason for me even doing so was simply because of the money. With 14 years of experience in Information Technology and a security clearance, I could practically get a bag of gold if I wanted to.  A few opportunities came up. I figured I could work on my calling part-time and sit at a desk and collect my paycheck, but I was led to pray about it. In my prayers, I let God know that I was going to take the money unless doors were shut in my face. As we know God answers prayer, so doors were shut in my face!

Brooke pushed me to take a real leap of faith and stop applying for jobs in my former field. About 3 months went past and nothing was happening until I found the perfect opportunity. The position was for a communications specialist for a church in Maryland. Yes!  In my mind I’m doing praise dances. This position was made for me! It was everything I was wanted to do. I met with the leaders of the church on 3 separate occasions and figured I was a shoe in for the position, especially since I had an MDiv, but the church decided to go with another candidate. I was baffled, my literal thought was WTF. Not getting that position threw me off! I can honestly say that I don’t trust God at all times. Where in the world was this God I took a risk on? I thought we were on the same page? I do want my financial cushion to just evaporate. Remember God, you may be dealing with an infinite clock but my time here eventually runs out. Can you pick up the pace on whatever you have in store for me? Luckily the marathon training has alleviated the stress of waiting on God. But guess what? My miles are starting to pick up and it has been hot, so I’m physically and spiritually drained at times.

During my long runs I have been taking some serious notes as it relates to the parallels between long distance running and faith. Below are 5 things I’ve learned:

  • There will be high points and low points.
  • If you move too fast you can hurt yourself
  • Don’t compare yourself to others around you, you are running your own race.
  • Take one step at a time and focus on the current moment. If you look back or too far ahead, you may miss some key steps in the process.
  • You will consider giving up but have faith in what you have been preparing for.

At times this journey has not been fun and I’ve considered giving up on God and the marathon. Although I’m not a fan of waiting or the training process, I’m no quitter so I’ll continue the race on both the spiritual and physical fronts. I really have no choice at this point. I have invested too much time and energy to quit. I’m hopeful to come out of this dim valley if I keep taking steps towards the goal.

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