I owe God an Apology

I owe God an Apology

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To be perfectly honest I don’t trust God as much as I should and although I am a minister I have no problems being transparent about that.  For some strange reason there’s an idea that ministers, preachers, pastors and all other religious leaders must possess some super human power or strength as it relates to their relationship with God, but let’s be clear we struggle just like anyone else does.

Although I recently started a new job on July 16 I was unemployed for 109 days (counting weekends).  Thank God I have a job now but wow 109 days was a lot!  On March 29th I came home after having a frustrating day at work and said to Brooke, “this job is a complete waste of my time I wish I could figure out a way to quit or do something else so that I can focus on my business (R77 Designs, LLC).”

The next day on March 30th I got a message from the company I was subcontracted to saying the client decided to remove my position.  Initially I was excited because I thought wow God heard my prayers and I wasn’t even praying.   Then it hit me, “oh *expletive* I don’t have a job!”  “God I wasn’t even praying to you!”

No worries I had some money saved up but here’s the conundrum I still ain’t speaking to God.  I’m still practicing silent meditation/prayer.  Oddly enough it was this silent meditation that kept me from going crazy during this time in between gigs.  Yes that’s right I did not pray any words during this time.  Well I did grumble a few thoughts every now and then but no verbal prayers on purpose.  Silent meditation kept me peaceful.

As time ticked and money dwindled I began to get nervous then as I admitted that I did not trust God (and as we planned to cut cost extremely), I got an email about a new opportunity.  God was right on time.

So God I’m sorry for not trusting in you when all along you have always taken care of me.

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